Confession: I’m Having A Hard Time Writing

It was 1:45 a.m. and my two year old was awake with croup.

His cough sounded like a seal bark, his breathing was noisy and wheezy. We turned on the hot water in our shower to let the bathroom steam up, but that didn’t seem to help him much (it did, however, set off the smoke alarm which set off the house alarm. Fun.)

We decided to head to the emergency room and proceeded to spend six hours there while they gave him a steroid and then a breathing treatment.

I was running on fumes and two hours of sleep when we got home later that morning and, during his nap, decided to write this week’s blog post. It was supposed to be about beta readers – how to find them and when to use them.

But after struggling with the post for a little while, I realized it wasn’t the topic I wanted to write for this week with a very foggy, overwhelmed brain.

Instead, I wanted to tell you that for the last couple of months, writing has not felt easy for me.

For pretty much the entire month of April, I dealt with some excruciating, near-constant physical pain related to my autoimmune disease. I’ve certainly been in this boat before: when something painful and all-consuming happens with my health, writing falls by the wayside.

Pain is incredibly distracting. And sometimes creativity feels futile when health issues flare up.

However, I’ve still been writing blog posts and emails to my subscribers (are you on my list? If you sign up, you’ll get some great freebies!) because my desire to help other writers is greater than my physical issues.

I’ve also been writing pieces for my freelance work because I have deadlines and those pieces/clients matter a lot to me.

But lately, when I sit down to work on the final 10,000-ish words my novel, I simply… can’t.

I’m so close to the end of this first draft, and yet I feel totally paralyzed.

The strange part is that, in the midst of all this trouble writing, my short story was published. I’m SO happy it’s out in the world, and SO guilt-ridden that I’m in the middle of a creative drought.

Because honestly, that’s how it feels. My creative well is dry.

I feel like I should be so high off of seeing my first short story in print that it should propel me to finish revisions on another story and complete my novel draft. But that’s not the case, and I hate it.

I share this not to whine or complain, but to let you know that if you’re in the same place with your writing, you’re not alone. And it’ll pass.

Even though I know this from experience and I do believe this is just part of the ebbing and flowing of a creative life, it’s still really hard to feel resistance. I know all the practical ways to get past resistance and I’m well-versed in the tactics that work for me.

And yet…

Here we are. Here I am. Writing every week about making the most of your writing life while feeling stuck within my own. Wanting to help you finish all your beautiful, brilliant stories while feeling unable to do the same myself right now.

It’s ok, though. I truly do believe that!

It’s not necessary to constantly be productive. There are seasons with writing, as with most things in life. There are periods of time when the words will flow and times when they won’t, and the key to fending off total discouragement is to remember this will pass.

So while I wait it out, I’ll keep writing these posts for you and keep returning to the page and trying to make fiction happen.

Eventually, it’ll feel right again. It always does.

If you’re in a similar position, let me know in the comments what your biggest struggle is and how you’re dealing.